When I was 15, I moved to Staten Island. I had left all my friends and felt very strange with going to a new school. I started hanging out with “the cool kids” and cutting class and got introduced to cocaine. I didn’t want to do it but they all were so I figured this is how I would be accepted.
Once I did, I loved the feeling. We all started to take Xanax together when we left school and then someone introduced my friend to “blues”. The blues gave me the feeling of escaping my reality and all my insecurities and issues disappeared, but they were really expensive. Someone told me I could get the same feeling for cheaper and that’s when I was introduced to heroin. It felt like it was everything I was looking for. It got bad and really fast for me, I started shooting up the 3rd time I used it. That became a whole separate issue because it wasn’t just the drug anymore, it was the whole process, the scheming and the needle had a hold on me. Throughout my evolving addiction I had tried to go to programs because I wanted to stop but I just couldn’t. I tried 28 days, NA/AA, detox, TCs, and nothing was working. Heroin took over my entire life. My boyfriend at the time overdosed right in front of my eyes and died; the person I loved the most in the world was gone. I did 3 months in jail, I started selling myself, and when I tried to go away to get help, my insurance wouldn’t accept me. I eventually was accepted into a program. Everyone there seemed happy and I wanted that. I went away for a while and I’m transitioning back into society. It feels amazing to deal with my problems, talk about my feelings and to deal with them. I’ve gained a support system which was something I didn’t have before. Most importantly I’ve gained self-worth. I feel so proud of myself and today I want to live. This journey has been a hell of a ride, but I made it through and I feel like anyone struggling and want a way out, there is one. If you fight for the right battle, your recovery and not your addiction, you can be happy.