I saw the woman I love, who gave me a beautiful daughter throwing her life away.
Outside of a back injury in 2011, I have never used prescription pain medicine. However, drug addiction tore through my family, caused me to file for divorce, separate and eventually take my daughter and kick my wife out of our home. Additionally, when my wife got sober, it was met with doubt, frustration and anger from all those that knew she had a problem.
My wife held a secret from me until she wasn’t able to keep it a secret anymore. She had an addiction to painkillers. In hindsight, I suppose being a cop didn’t help the situation.
I saw the woman I love, who gave me a beautiful daughter throwing her life away. I remember very vividly screaming at her that she was a disgrace to my name. Anyone that has had an addict in their family can attest to the pain feeling so helpless. I had to come to a realization that I was powerless over her.
What do you do for the person who seems like they don’t want help? How many fights, arguments, lies, etc etc before you say enough is enough?
I could give you a breakdown of the events, from ACS being involved in my life (twice), to the multiple arrests my wife went through. The fights, and arguments. The absolute misery. The separation and the filing for divorce. The orders of protection. However, there may not be enough room to say it all, or better yet to accurately explain the madness of active drug addiction.
If you’ve loved an addict, you know what I mean. I took advice from police unions, police executives, and my lawyer. I took our child, and separated. Pressed charges on the order of protection.
Her sobriety took time for me to trust her again. It was not an overnight event. A great deal of hurt had occurred, so it was a very gradual process. I remember the first time trusting her with our daughter again. I had in the words of my Mother “ruined the court case”. But it was refreshing knowing that she was back on track. My wife eventually got on a replacement drug that has given her a second chance at life and to be the mother to our child. In the height of her drug addiction I would never have expected to say that. For a while there it seemed unrealistic. One of the key factors in seeing it as a disease was this: those little yellow signs were all over the place. How could so many people choose this life? And the more I spoke about it, outside of the support groups, the more I would hear people say they have someone like that in their life. How could I in good faith divorce her understanding it as a disease? If she smoked cigarettes and got cancer would I leave her? I am lucky that my wife didn’t overdose. I am proud of her almost two years sober. I am much more empathetic to those of us in this life have been touched by addiction. I write this story for the families. Realize you can’t do “it” for them. You didn’t choose this, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. What you can do is take care of you. Set boundaries, and get yourself help. Go to meetings, ( naranon), go to a therapist. You aren’t alone in this. Thank you for reading.